Moulin Boosh
by chugirl2526
Summary: Mighty Boosh X Moulin Rouge. Slash. Howard Moon, a penniless jazz musician and writer unwittenly falls in love with Vince Noir, the star courtesan from the Moulin Rouge and finds himself fighting for Vince's affections with Dixon Bainbridge, the Duke.
1. Introducing the Cast and Story

Moulin Boosh!

Summery- Mighty Boosh X Moulin Rouge. Howard Moon, a penniless jazz musician and writer unwittenly falls in love with Vince Noir, the star courtesan from the Moulin Rouge and finds himself fighting of Vince affections with Dixon Bainbridge, the Duke.

Disclaimer- Mighty Boosh belongs to Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt. Moulin Rouge belongs to Baz Lurman.

Author's notes- Wrote in script format, to make it more annoying. Inspiration came to me when I imagined Vince and Howard singing the elephant love melody to each other lol.

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Chapter one- Introducing the Cast and Story.

Vince Noir- The Sparkling Diamond. The star courtesan of the Moulin Rouge. Loyal, childish, sexy, can be serious when he needs to be. Falls in love with Howard Moon.

Howard Moon- A penniless jazz musician and writer who comes to Paris in the hope of finding a suitable job for himself, instead finds love in the Moulin Rouge.

Dixon Bainbridge- The Duke, selfish, cruel, tries to get Vince to love him. Is always threatening people to get his way.

Bob Fossil- The owner of the Moulin Rouge, always trying to get the Duke to give him money. Proud of Vince, thinks of him as a son.

Naboo- A friendly dwarf who enjoys his drink and hooka. Become an extremely loyal friend to Howard, then Vince.

Joey Moose- Suffers from Narcolepsy. Becomes a good friend.

Bollo- Vince's bodyguard, loyal.

The Hitcher- The Duke's bodyguard.

Mrs Gideon- Vince's nurse.

Rudi and Spider- Two of Howard's new revolution friends.

Saboo- The original writer of 'Spectacular Spectacular'

Tony Harrison- The green fairy.

Narrator- Me.

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"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love... and be loved in return".

Narrator: The Moulin Rouge, a nightclub. Ruled over by Bob Fossil. A kingdom of nighttime pleasures, where the rich and the powerful come to play with the young and the beautiful. The most beautiful of all these was Vince Noir, a courtesan, he sold his love to men and women. They called him 'The Sparkling Diamond' and he was the star of the Moulin Rouge. He never felt real love for anyone or from anyone before. Until the arrival of a young man from London , who knew nothing of Moulin Rouge, Bob Fossil or Vince, but would change things from good.

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This is just the beginning, so it might suck. It will be in script format from now on so sorry if it's annoying lol. From chugirl2526.


	2. The Children of the Revolution

Moulin Boosh!

Summery- Mighty Boosh X Moulin Rouge. Howard Moon, a penniless jazz musician and writer unwittenly falls in love with Vince Noir, the star courtasan from the Moulin Rouge and finds himself fighting of Vince affections with Dixon Bainbridge, the Duke.

Disclaimer- Mighty Boosh belongs to Noel Fielding and Julian Barret. Moulin Rouge belongs to Baz Lurman.

Author's notes- Wrote in script format, to make it more annoying. Insperation came to me when I imagined Vince and Howard singing the elephant love melody to each other lol.

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Chapter two- The Children of the Revolution.

Narrator: The year was 1899, the summer of love and the world was swept up in the Bohemian revolution. Howard Moon, a young penniless jazz musician and writer came to be part of it.

A young man with short hair, small eyes and a small moustace got off a train with his suitcase and started on his way.

Narrator- He travelled to the village of Montmarte, not a village of sin like everyone was saying, but the centre of the revolution with other writers, musicians, painters. They were known as 'The Children of the Revolution', and Howard had come here to write and play music about truth, beauty, freedom and what he believes in above all things, love.

Howard makes his way into a hotel room, the landlady holds up a key for him for the room. He then takes out his typewriter from his case. He starts to write but stops

Narrator: There was only one problem, he'd never been in love. Then an unconscious Australian fell through the roof.

The ceiling fell down and Howard jumped away as a blond haired man hanging upside down by some rope.

Narrator: He was quickly followed by a dwarf dressed as a nun.

A small man comes through Howard's room door wearing a blue robe and tights on his head.

Naboo: How do you do? My name is Naboo Enigma Watson. I'm sorry about Joey here, we're just upstairs rehearsing a play.

Howard: What?

Narrator: A play, something very modern called 'Spectacular, Spectacular'.

Naboo: It's set in Switzerland.

Then three heads poke through the hole in the roof. Three males, one with a huge afro and a purple robe. One wearing dark clothing and a huge hat and the other with blond braided hair and a bandana.

Narrator: I'll just introduce them as Rudi, Saboo and Spider. Anyway, the unconscious Australian suffered from a sickness called Narcolepsy.

Naboo: Prefectly fine one moment, then unconscious the next.

Spider: How is he?

Saboo: How wonderful now that the narcoleptic Australian is now asleep. And so the scene will not be finished in time to be presented tomorrow.

Rudi: Quick Naboo, I still have to finish the music.

Naboo: We'll just find seomone else to read the part.

Saboo: Oh, where on Earth will we find someone to read the part of a young sensitive swiss poet goatherder?

Narrator: Before he knew it, Howard was upstairs standing in for the Australian.

Upstairs, in Naboo's studio. Howard, now dressed in the Australians Swiss poet/goatherder costume and holding a script, is standing on a ladder in front of a painted backdrop of the Alps. Rudi is playing "The Sound of Music" on a strange organ. Joey, still unconscious, is lying on the bed, and Saboo is overseeing the rehearsal. Naboo, standing in as the nun, is in mid-song

Naboo: The hills are animated with the euphonious symphony of descant.

Saboo: Oh stop, stop, stop that insufferable droning is drowning out my words. Can we just play soemthing with a little decorative piano?

Narrator: There seemed to be artistic differences over Saboo's lyrics to Rudi's songs.

Spider: I don't think a nun would say that about a hill.

Rudi: What if he sings "The hills are vital intoning the descant"?

Spider: No, no, no, the hills are...

Joey Moose, the Australian wakes up from the bed.

Joey: The hills are incarnate with symphonic melodies..

Then falls straight back to sleep.

Howard: The... the hills...

Spider: The hills are chanting "Spider loving".

Rudi: We are not putting that. That is for your solo project.

Howard, failing to get their attention, threw back his head and started singing.

Howard (singing): "The hills are alive with the sound of music".

The others are shocked into silence. Joey gets up from the bed.

Joey: "The hills are alive with the sound of music" I love it!

The others look impressed.

Rudi: "The hills are alive with the sound of music" It fits perfectly.

Howard (continuing) "With songs they have sung for a thousand years"

The others gasp with wonderment

Naboo: Wonderful! Saboo, you two should write the show together

Saboo: I'm sorry?

Narrator: But Naboo's suggestion that Saboo and Howard write the show together was not what Saboo wanted to hear.

Saboo: GOODBYE!

Saboo then leaves the room, but others didn't care. Naboo hands out glasses of absinthe to everyone.

Naboo: Here's to your first job in Paris.

He hands one over to Howard, who looks confused.

Rudi: Naboo, Fossil will never agree. (He turns to Howard) No offence, but have you ever written anything like this before?

Howard: No, I haven't.

Joey: The man has talent, I like that.

Naboo is trying to convince Rudi to let Howard write the show. Howard listens, interested.

Naboo: "The hills are alive with the sound of music" See Rudi, with Howard we can write the truly bohemian revolutionary show that we've always dreamt of!

Rudi: But how can we convice Fossil?

Narrator: But Naboo had a plan. They would dress Howard up in the Australian's best suit, and pass him off as a famous English writer. Once Vince heard my modern poetry, he would be astounded, and insist to Fossil that Howard wrote "Spectacular Spectacular".

Howard panics at the pressure he's put under and tries to go back to his room.

Howard: No, I can't write the show for the Moulin Rouge.

Naboo: Why not?

Howard: I—I don't even know if I am a true Bohemian revolutionary.

The others looked shocked

Naboo: Do you beileve in beauty?

Howard: Yes.

Joey: Freedom?

Howard: Yes

Rudi: Truth?

Howard: Yes

Spider: Love?

Howard: Love? Of above all things I believe in love. Love is like oxygen. Love is a many-splendoured thing, love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!

The others are impressed.

Naboo: See, you can't fool us! You're the voice of the children of the revolution.

They helped Howard out of the hole and back into the studio.

Narrator: The plan was perfect. Howard would audition for Vince and he would tatse his drink of absinthe.

Howard downs his in one, and the picture of a head with tentacles came off the label of the bottle. The green head of Tony Harrison starts singing.

Tony: I'm the green fairy.

All of them together (singing): "The hills are alive with the sound of music"

Howard and the others are dressed in evening wear and stood on the ledge outside Howard's room. The green fairy then makes the windmill of the Moulin Rouge spin, sucking the men into the portal into the nightclub.


	3. The Moulin Rouge and The Sparkling Diamo

Moulin Boosh!

Summery- Mighty Boosh X Moulin Rouge. Howard Moon, a penniless jazz musician and writer unwittenly falls in love with Vince Noir, the star courtesan from the Moulin Rouge and finds himself fighting of Vince affections with Dixon Bainbridge, the Duke.

Disclaimer- Mighty Boosh belongs to Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt. Moulin Rouge belongs to Baz Lurman.

Author's notes- Wrote in script format, to make it more annoying. Inspiration came to me when I imagined Vince and Howard singing the elephant love melody to each other lol.

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Chapter three- The Moulin Rouge and The Sparkling Diamond.

The curtains of the club entrance open to reveal Fossil's face. He wears a red coat, black top hat and a cheesy moustache. He beckons Howard and the others inside his huge dancehall, where it is packed with young and older men and some women wearing black outfits. Some of them where dancing with women in frilly, feathered dresses, their faces caked in make-up. The few women were dancing with young men in tight shirts and pants.

Narrator: Bob Fossil and his infamous dancers. They called them 'His Diamond Dogs'.

Fossil and his dancers start their song.

Diamond Dogs (singing): "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? (Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista. Hey sista, go sista. . .)"

Fossil: "If life's an awful bore, and living's just a chore, that we do, cause death not much fun".

Diamond Dogs: "Giuchie giuchie, ya ya, da da".

Fossil: "I have the antidote, and though I mustn't gloat, at the Moulin Rouge! You'll have fun!"

Howard and the others make their way across the dancefloor with the other customers.

Diamond Dogs: "Creole lady marmalade..."

Fossil: "Just scratch that little niggle, have a little wiggle, you know that you can, because we can can-can".

D.D: "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"

Fossil: "Don't say you can't, can't, can't, you know you can, can, can".

D.D: "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?"

Everyone, including Howard and the others, starts making a line up.

Customers: "Here we are now, entertain us!"

Fossil: "Got some dark desire? Love to play with fire? Why not let it rip, live a little bit! Can can-can!"

The customers and the Diamond Dogs start dancing towards each other. Then they do start dancing with each other.

Fossil: "Outside it may be raining, but in here it's entertaining".

Naboo motions to Howard to follow him to a table they found.

Naboo: Mission accomplished! We sucessfully evaded Fossil.

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The music soon fades, and glitter pours from the ceiling.

Naboo: It's him, the Sparkling Diamond.

A young man comes down from the ceiling on a swing. He is wearing a red corset, tight black trousers, a black silk shirt which was open and a small black hat similar to Fossil's. This is Vince Noir and he's about to start his song.

Vince (singing): "The French are glad to die for love, they delight in fighting duels, but I prefer a man who lives and gives expensive jewels".

Howard watches, shocked and delighted at the sight. However, on the table on the other side of the piller next to him was Fossil and a man with a huge ginger moustache and beady eyes watching Vince.

Narrator: But someone else was to meet Vince that night, Fossil's investor- the Duke, Dixon Bainbridge.

The swing soon moved around the crowd below Vince, and stopped so he could get off and wonder through the crowd, who thrust money, jewels and clothes at him.

Vince: "A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but fashion is a boy's best friend. A kiss may be grand, but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat, or feed your pussycat. Men grow cold as we grow old, and we all lose our charms in the end. But hour-glass or pear shaped, these clothes won't lose their shape, fashion is a boys' best friend".

Howard and the Duke watch from the side.

Bainbridge: When am I goning to meet this young man?

Vince (shouts out): Topshop!

Fossil: After his number. I've arranged a special meeting—just you and Vincey, totally alone Bainbridge.

Vince (shouting out again): New Look!

On the other table...

Naboo: After his number. I've arranged a private meeting, just you and Monsieur Vince, totally alone.

Howard: Alone?

Naboo/Fossil: Yes, totally alone.

Vince: "Cause we are living in a electro world, and I am a electro boy".

The customers are dancing around Vince, then lift him up and carry him to the centre of the dancefloor stage.

Fossil: Excuse me!

He leaves the Duke to join Vince on the stage.

Vince: "There may be a time when a lad needs a lawyer, but fashion is a boy's best friend. There may be a time when a hard-boiled employer thinks you're..."

Fossil: "...Awful nice"

Vince: "But get that ice or else no dice"

Howard gets up to go over to Vince, but Naboo stops him.

Naboo: Don't worry, I'll go and sort things out.

As he gets up, he spills a whole tray of drinks on the Duke sitting behind him. Meanwhile, Vince and Fossil are having a quiet conversation.

Vince: Is the Duke here, Bobby?

Fossil: Of course, would Daddy lie to you?

Fossil looks over Vince's shoulder to see Naboo trying to wipe the drinks of the Duke's shirt with his handkerchief.

Vince: Where is he?

Fossil: He's the one Naboo is shaking a hanky at.

Vince looks over in time to see Naboo take a hanky out of Howard's pocket and wave it at him. They catch each others eyes for a moment.

Vince: Are you sure, Fossil?

Fossil: Let me take a peek.

He looks and sees Naboo still trying to wipe the drinks off the Duke.

Fossil: That's the one, Vincey.

Naboo finally as enough of cleaning the Duke, and throws the hanky in his face.

Naboo: Clean yourself off, you ballbag.

He went to walk away, when Bainbridge's bodyguard, a green skinned man wearing black and a polo around his eye, showed Naboo a long knife he had concealed on him. Naboo backed off then. Back on the stage, Vince and Fossil went behind some of the dancers dresses they held up, to talk and change.

Vince: Will he invest?

Fossil: After being with you, how can he resist?

Vince: What's his type? Wilting flower? Bright and bubbly? Or smouldering temptress?

Fossil: I'd say smouldering temptress. We counting on you, Noir. Remember, a real show, in a real theatre, with a real audience. And you'll be...

Vince: ...A real actor.

Vince leaps back up, still wearing his corset and missing his hat and shirt. His face is now covered in black/red make up and a black diamond neckalce was wore around his neck. He starts to continue his song, while Naboo tries to get his attention from the crowd.

Vince: "Cause that's when those louses, go back to their spouces. Fashion is a boy's best friend"

Two dancers place Vince on their shoulders and carry him to where he wanted. Howard looked away for a second, to look back to see Vince directly in front of him.

Vince: I beileve you were expecting me.

Howard couldn't speak, he was just dumbstruck with shock. Vince smiles and turns around to the crowd.

Vince: I'm afraid it's boy's decision.

He turns back around and pulls Howard onto the dancefloor. Vince starts dancing, but Howard was still too shocked to do anything, until two gents from the crowd pushed him forwards. Fossil is watching, but can only see the back of Howard.

Vince: So wonderful of you to take an interest in our little show.

Howard: It sounds very exciting. I'd be delighted to be involved.

Vince: Really?

Howard: Assuming you like what I do, of course.

Vince: I'm sure I will.

Howard sees his friends and bows his hat to them, to signal he was doing well.

Howard: Naboo thought we might be able to, erm do it in private.

Vince: Did he?

Howard: Yes. You know, a private poetry reading.

Vince (getting the wrong end of the stick): Ohh... I love a little poetry after supper.

Vince then left Howard and got back onto his swing, just as it was rasing up.

Vince: "Fashion, fashion, hour glass or pear shaped, these clothes don't lose their shape..."

The crowd soon gathered underneath him and waved their hands in the air. Howard goes back to the others, but keeps his eyes on Vince

Vince: "Fashion is a boy's best..."

He suddenly gasps for breath. Fossil stares in concern, while everyone else were still dancing underneath him. Vince then get his breath back and faints backwards.

Fossil: NO!

Vince is saved by a brown furred gorilla. Fossil indicates to him to take Vince backstage. When they had gone, he started clapping and chanting.

Fossil: Vince! Vince! Vince! Vince!

Crowd: Vince! Vince! Vince! Vince!

Backstage, the gorilla placed Vince on a large couch. The stage manager pokes his head though a curtain to indicate to Fossil Vince is not coming out again. He motions the crowd to stop.

Fossil: You've frightened him away! But I can see some more Moulin Rouge dancers that are looking for a partner or two. So if you can hunk-hunk, you can hunkadola with them.

The band strikes up and plays the song. Backstage, Vince's nurse Mrs Gideon, brings him some smelling salts. She waves them under his nose and he wakes up and gives a shakey smile.

Vince: Oh, Gideon. These silly costumes.

Gideon: Just a little fainting spell.

The stage manager tells all the girls to get back to works, when Vince starts coughing. Gideon places a hanky to his mouth and keeps it there until he's finished. When he turns away, Gideon is worried to see blood on the hankey. In the garden outside the dancehall, the Duke is getting impatient.

Bainbridge (to Hitcher): Find Fossil. The young man's waiting for me.


	4. Inside the Elephant

Moulin Boosh!

Summery- Mighty Boosh X Moulin Rouge. Howard Moon, a penniless jazz musician and writer unwittenly falls in love with Vince Noir, the star courtesan from the Moulin Rouge and finds himself fighting of Vince affections with Dixon Bainbridge, the Duke.

Disclaimer- Mighty Boosh belongs to Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt. Moulin Rouge belongs to Baz Lurman.

Author's notes- Wrote in script format, to make it more annoying. Inspiration came to me when I imagined Vince and Howard singing the elephant love melody to each other lol. I hope this isn't too much like the script now lol.

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Chapter Four: Inside the Elephant.

Backstage, Vince was getting ready to meet the Duke. Mrs Gideon is helping him on with his next outfit.

Gideon: That Duke Bainbridge has really taken the bait, Vince. With a patron like him, you could be the next David Bowie.

Vince: Do you really think I could be like the great David?

Gideon: Why not? You've got the talent, haven't you?

Vince: I'm gonna be a great actor or rock and roll star, then I'm gonna fly away from here.

Fossil rushes in, worried.

Fossil: Vincey, everything alright?

Vince: Yeah, course Bobby.

Fossil: That's good then. That Duke really attached to you like stink on poop while dancing.

Vince: How do I look?

He was wearing another corset, only it was black with sequins. He was also wearing black silk boxers and a see-though black robe. His raven hair was straightened and his face was covered in black and red make up.

Vince: Smouldering enough?

Fossil: Oh, my little goth fairy. How could he possibly resist?

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Inside the elephant, Howard was looking out though the front, while his friends are waiting in the garden below. Vince walks in and coughs, surprising the writer from his thoughts.

Vince: Great place for a poetry reading, hey?

He motioned around his red room where a grand sized bed was by one wall, covered in black and red materials. A few wardrobes were scattered around the room, all looked like they were full to the brim. A vainity table witha huge mirror was near the front, covered with make up and jewellery.

Howard is shocked at the sight in front of him, taking in Vince's pale, lean frame. His blue eyes sparkled with mischief and passion.

Vince: Is this poetic enough now?

Howard: Yes.

Vince goes over to a table with food and champagne on it. and picks up the bottle.

Vince: Want something to eat or drink first?

Howard: Not really, I just wanna get it over with.

Vince puts the bottle backed annoyed. He then walks over to the bed and lays on it seductively.

Vince: Well, why don't you come over here and we'll get it over and done with.

Howard: I would rather do it standing.

Vince couldn't hide his shock and surprise, and goes to get up.

Howard: You don't have to stand, it's quite long and I want you to be comfortable. It's quite modern what I do and I hope you'll enjoy it.

Vince, confused, just sits on the bed watching.

Vince: I'm sure I will.

Howard: The...skies are filled...with bluebirds...

Vince didn't know what to make of it, so just moans erotically anyway. It makes Howard more nervous.

Howard: I think...

Vince just grows annoyed and stands up to go to Howard.

Vince: You alright?

Howard: It takes awhile for inspiration to come, you know...

He looks down, and Vince misunderstands. He grins at Howard, then grabs his crotch, making the writer gasp.

Vince: Does that inspire you enough?

He then throws Howard on the bed.

Vince: Let's make love.

Howard: Make love?

Vince: Yeah you know, doing it, getting it on.

Vince climbs on top of Howard, starting to take off his clothes. Howard's friends, who climbed up the back of the elephant, were hanging Naboo down to spy. Vince was growling and had undone Howard's pants.

Vince: Big boy! Give me the poetry now!

Howard throws the smaller man off him and stands up.

Howard: It's a little bit funny...

Vince (confused): What?

Howard: This feeling inside, I'm not one of those people who can easily hide. Is this what you want?

Vince tries to figure it out, finally thinking he's got it.

Vince: Oh, poetry. Yes, these naughty words are what I want.

He starts rolling around on his bed, moaning again.

Howard: I don't have a lot of money, but if I did, I'd buy a huge house where we'd both live.

Vince was still moaning and rolled off the bed and rolled up in a fur blanket on the floor.

Howard: If I were a sculptor, or a man who makes potions at a traveling show, I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do.

Vince was moaning even louder, making Howard give him a funny look, then looked out the window.

Howard (singing): "My gift is my song and this one' for you"

Vince stopped what he was doing and looked up at Howard, who smiled at him.

Howard: "And you can tell everybody that this is your song. It may be quite simple, but now that it's done, I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, That I put down in words, How wonderful life is, now you're in the world"

Howard walked towards the very front of the elephant and motioned Vince to join him, who did.

Howard: "Sat on the roof and I kicked off the moss, well some of these verses, well, they, they got me quite cross. But the sun's been kind while I wrote this song, it's for people like you that keep it turned on. So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do, you see I've forgotten if they're green or if they're blue"

He takes Vince's hand, who looks uncertian.

Howard: "Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean, yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen"

Howard and Vince leap out of the elephant on a beam of starlight, into the sky and then onto a rooftop.

Howard: "And you can tell everybody that this is your song. It may be quite simple, but now that it's done..."

Silver rain falls down upon them, so Howard gets out a umbrella and dances across the sky and leaps up onto the Eiffel Tower, tossing the umbrella to one side. He and Vince dance towards each other, meeting in the middle of the sky.

Howard: "I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words, how wonderful life is, now you're in the world".

Howard picks Vince up in his arms and spins him round. The red room of the elephant came back into view, as Howard holds Vince.

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Vince: I can't beileve it. I'm now in love with a young, talanted Duke.

Howard: I'm not a Duke.

Vince dosen't pay attention as he leans in for a kiss.

Howard: I'm a writer...

Vince stops and pulls back.

Vince: (shocked): A writer? No!

Howard notises Naboo hanging from the front.

Howard: Naboo?

Vince: Hang on, are you one of Naboo's Bohemian friends?

Howard: Sort of yeah.

Vince (angry): Oh no, I'm gonna kill him. Fossil's gonna kill me.

He goes over to the bedroom door, Howard follows.

Vince: What about Bainbridge?

He opens the door to reveal Fossil talking to the Duke. He quickly shuts the door again.

Vince: He's coming. Quick out the back.

Vince tries to hide Howard, but the door opened, so he had to hide the writer behind him.

Fossil: Hey Vincey, you ready?

Vince: Yes, I was just waiting for you.

Fossil: Great, Bainbridge. This is Vince Noir, our best star.

The Duke bends over to kiss Vince's hand. Howard luckily scurried over to the food trolley and hid behind it.

Fossil: I'll leave you two long eared, fluffy things alone.

He leaves, leaving the three behind.

Bainbridge: A kiss on the hand might be quite continatal.

Vince: But fashion is a boy's best friend.

Bainbridge: Of sourse, after tonight you must be in need of some refreshments.

He goes to the trolley to get the champange, but Vince stops him before he sees Howard.

Vince: Wait! Isn't the view nice?

Bainbridge: Whatever. I just want some champange, please.

Vince: Wait, It's a little bit funny..

Bainbridge: What is?

Howard pokes his head over the trolley to see what's going on.

Vince: This...

Howard (whispering):_ Feeling..._

Vince: Feeling...

Howard: _Inside..._

Vince: Inside...

Vince: I'm not one of those who can easily...

Howard: _Hide._

Vince: Hide.

Howard accidently knocks something over, making the Duke turn around. Vince throws himself at Bainbridge's feet to distract him.

Vince: Look, I don't have much money, Fossil takes it. But if I did, I'd buy a huge house for us to live in.

Vince looks over to Howard and motions him to go thourgh the door and escape while the Duke was busy.

Vince: "I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words, how wonderful life is, now you're in the world"

Vince sings softy and slowly while moving up to face the Duke's own face. When he'd finished, Bainbridge had stars in his eyes.

Bainbridge: That was brilliant, sir.

Vince: It's from 'Spectacular, Spectacular'. I now know the meaning to those words.

Bainbridge: And what's that?

Howard makes it to the door and opens it, only to find the Hitcher standing outside. He quickly shuts the door and looks over to Vince. Vince distracts the Duke more by lying on his bed.

Vince: Don't toy with me, Bainbridge. You know the effect you have on me.

Bainbridge smiles smugly, Vince pulls him on top of him and motions to Howard to go over to the front of the elephant.

Vince: Let's make love, you know you want to.

Bainbridge: Make love?

Vince: I knew you felt that way, Duke.

Howard stops and looks.

Vince (whispering): _Get out or he'll kill you!_

Howard gives him a pleading look.

Vince: Yes Bainbridge, you're right. We should wait until the opening night.

Howard smiles and goes behind a curtain.

Bainbridge: Why wait?

Vince: You know, to make it more special. Don't worry, we will meet again.

He pushes the Duke thourgh the door and shuts it quickly. Howard comes out, and Vince turns to him, angry.

Vince: Do you have any idea what would happen if he caught you? You'd be dead and I'd...

His breath is caught short again and he faints. Howard catches him in his arms.

Howard: Oh my God, Vince?

He shakes Vince to try and wake him. over the other side of the garden, Fossil looks through a telescope. He sees a man in a tuxedo thrusting into Vince.

Fossil: Right on target, Bainbridge.

Howard is trying to think of what to do and puts Vince on the bed, leaning over him. Then the door opens and Bainbridge walks back in.

Bainbridge: I forgot my hat...Foul play I see?

Vince soons wakes up.

Vince: Oh, Bainbridge...

Bainbridge: It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside...

Vince: Well spoken. This is the writer of that speech.

Bainbridge: The writier?

Vince: Yeah, we're rehearsing.

Bainbridge: You expect me to believe that you two are rehearsing a play, here at night, in the elephant?

As Vince and Howard stand up, Howard's mates walk in after hearing everything and make their way around the room.

Naboo: Ok, let's take it from the top everybody.

Rudi: I hope your piano is in tune.

Spider: Can I offer you a drink?

Joey: We got held up, sorry.

Fossil looks through his telescope again and sees the room is packed with people. He rushes out of his room to investigate.

Vince: When you said those words to me, I just wanted to get rehearsals done. We just have so much work to do.

Bainbridge: If you're rehearsing, where's that idiot Fossil?

Vince: We desided to leave Bobby out of this.

Fossil rushes through the door.

Fossil: Bainbridge, I'm so sorry.

Vince: Bobby, you made it. It's alright, the Duke now knows about our rehearsal.

Fossil: Rehearsal?

Vince: Yeah, to work on the Duke's artisic idea.

Fossil: I'm Saboo will be happy then...

Naboo: That ballbag's gone.

Vince: Oh, the surprise has gone now. You see, Bainbridge likes the new writer's idea. He's so keen to invest now.

Fossil: Invest? Invest, of course. But who is the new writer?

Vince/Naboo: Howard.

Howard looks happy.

Fossil: Shall we talk about it in my office, Bainbridge?

Bainbridge: What's it about first? I'm not invest until I know it.

Fossil: Right... Er, Naboo tell us what it's about.

All look at Naboo.

Naboo: Well, it's about...about...

Howard: It's about love.

Bainbridge(sneering): Love?

Howard: Love overcoming all obstacles.

He looks meaningful at Vince while saying this.

Naboo: And it's set in Switzerland.

Bainbridge(alarmed): Switzerland?

Howard looks over to a statue of Ganesh in the room, and has an idea.

Howard: It's set in India, and there's a courtesan, the most sexiest courtesan in the whole world.

He walks over to Vince, then turns to the others.

Howard: But his kingdom is taken over by an evil king. Now to save his kingdom, he needs to seduces the king, but on that night, he mistakes a penniless wr...

He stops himself from giving to much away, and his eyes fall on a sewing machine in the room.

Howard: Penniless fashion designer for the evil king.

Howard (to Vince): He wasn't trying to trick the courtesan, but he was dressed like the king because, he was appearing in a play.

Joey walks over to Howard.

Joey: And I will play the fashion designer.

Bainbridge: Then what happens?

Howard: Well, the courtasen and the fashion designer must hide their love to one another.

Rudi: And he also carries around a magical needle. Not only does it create perfect clothes everytime, it speaks the truth.

Naboo: And I play the magical needle.

He turns to Vince.

Naboo: You are beautiful.

He turns to Fossil.

Naboo: You are dumb.

He turns to Bainbridge.

Naboo: And you are a ba-

Everyone puts their hands over his mouth.

Bainbridge: He gives away the game does he?

Everyone agrees.

Fossil: You see Bainbridge, this show is gonna be...

Fossil (singing): "Spectacular, Spectacular. No words in the vernacular, can describe this great event.You'll be dumb with wonderment. Returns are fixed at ten percent— you must agree, that's excellent. On top of your fee-"

Everyone except Duke: "...You'll be involved artistically".

They all advance on Bainbridge.

Everyone: "So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting it will run for fifty years! So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer!"

Naboo makes an elephant trunk with his arm.

Naboo: "Elephants!"

Spider makes a peace sign.

Spider: "Bohemians!"

Fossil does an Indian dance.

Fossil: "Indians!"

Vince strikes a pose.

Vince: "And courtesans".

Rudi swinging from the lights.

Rudi: "Acrobats!"

Howard points to Joey, whos wearing the fur blanket and juggling.

Howard: "Juggling bears!"

Naboo has a curtain draped around him.

Naboo: "Exotic girls!"

Rudi breathes out fire.

Everyone: "Fire eaters! Muscle-men, contortionists! Intrigue, danger..."

Naboo: "And romance".

Everyone: "Electirc lights, machinery. All run with electricity!"

They all dance around the Duke.

Everyone: "So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting it will run for fifty years!"

Duke: Yes, but what happens at the end?

They all look at each other, then jump up and run round grabbing props, before disappearing behind a curtain. Naboo sets a lamp in front of the curtain, and then Howard appears in front of the curtain and clears his throat. Rudi turns the lights out, except for the lamps that light the stage. Howard then steps to one side as the curtain opens to reveal Joey, in a makeshift crown, and Vince, with fans in his hair and a jewelled headband, in an embrace.

Howard: "The courtesan and fashion man, were pulled apart by an evil plan"

Vince: "But in the end he hears his song"

Howard "And their love is just too strong".

Vince turns to look at Howard.

Duke: "It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside"

Everyone: "So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting it will run fr fifty years!"

Howard: "Fashion maker's secret song, helps them flee the evil one. Though the tyrant rants and rails, it is all to no avail".

Fossil comes out dressed in a makeshift crown and a blanket around him

Fossil: I am the evil king. All bow before me!

Everyone bows.

Vince: no-one could play the king more then you, Bobby.

Fossil: They can try.

Everyone: "So exciting, we'll make them laugh, we'll make them cry. So delighting.."

Bainbridge: And in the end does someone die?

All look at each other.

Everyone: "So delighting it will run for fifty years"

The song ends, the Duke looks amused. Naboo somehow is on the Hitcher's shoulders after accidently letting him in and everyone strikes poses.

Bainbridge: I quite like it.

Everyone cheers and hugs or shakes hands with him.

Narrator: So Fossil had an investor and the bohemians had a show.


	5. Elephant Love melody and Threats

Moulin Boosh!

Summery- Mighty Boosh X Moulin Rouge. Howard Moon, a penniless jazz musician and writer unwittenly falls in love with Vince Noir, the star courtesan from the Moulin Rouge and finds himself fighting of Vince affections with Dixon Bainbridge, the Duke.

Disclaimer- Mighty Boosh belongs to Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt. Moulin Rouge belongs to Baz Lurman.

Author's notes- Wrote in script format, to make it more annoying. Inspiration came to me when I imagined Vince and Howard singing the elephant love melody to each other lol. I hope this isn't too much like the script now lol.

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Chapter five- Elephant Love Melody and Threats.

Back at the hotel, Naboo's studio was full of party goers celebrating the good news of the new play. The bohemians, diamond dogs and other staff from the Moulin Rouge are celebrating well into the night, while Howard was downstairs, working on the play.

Narrator: While everyone was having fun, Howard was trying to concentrate on writing.

Howard left his typewriter, not really written anything and went over to his window and sat on the balcony.

Narrator: But all he could think about was Vince, but was he thinking about Howard?

Over in the elephant, Vince was sitting in front of his vanity table, but his mind was only on one thing: Howard. He gets up and looks out the front of the elephant to see Howard going back to his typewriter. He starts singing as he watches.

Vince (singing): "I follow the night, and just can't stand the light. When will I begin to live again? One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday. What more could your love do for me? When will love be through with me? Why live life from dream to dream, and dread the day when dreaming ends?"

He starts moving up the elephant to the top, looking round to see Howard is missing from his room. Vince stands on the head of the elephant with his arms outstretched.

Vince: "One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday. Why live life from dream to dream, and dread the day when dreaming ends"

Howard is seen making his way through the garden to the elephant. He then makes his way up the back of the elephant using the rope tail, standing behind Vince. He turns around and gasps in shock at the sight of Howard behind him.

Howard: I'm so sorry, I just saw you awake and I climbed up the...

Vince: What?

Howard: I..just wanted to thank you for getting me the job.

Vince: What? Oh yeah, Naboo did say you had talent.

He turns to leave, but Howard stops him. Vince turns back round.

Howard: Wait!

Vince: What?

Howard: Before, when you thought I was Bainbridge, you said you loved me and i wondered if...

Vince: If it was true? No, it wasn't.

Howard: Oh, silly of me to think you could love someone like me.

Vince feels sorry for Howard, and goes over and puts his arm around the writer's shoulders.

Vince: Listen, I sell my love for money, protection, what I basically need. i just can't ever fall in love.

Howard (horrified): A life without love? That sounds horrible.

Vince: No, having nothing while living on the streets, that's horrible.

Howard: No, love is like oxygen. You just can't live without it, I mean all you need is love.

Vince: Don't start that again.

Howard (singing): "All you need is love"

Howard was getting closer to Vince.

Vince: A young man's gotta eat!

He was taking a step back everytime Howard got closer.

Howard: "All you need is love"

Vince: He'll just end up on the streets!

Howard: "All you need is love"

Vince (singing): "Love is just a game"

He goes to walk away, but Howard jumps in front of him.

Howard: "I was made for loving you baby, you were made for loving me"

Vince: "The only way of loving me baby, is to pay a lovely fee"

He goes to walk away again, but Howard jumps in front of him again.

Howard: "Just one night, give me one night"

Vince: "There's just no way, cause you can't pay"

Howard: "In the name of love, one night in the name of love"

Vince: "You crazy fool, I won't give in to you".

He starts making his way downstairs, but is stopped by Howard's voice.

Howard: "Don't leave me this way. I can't survive without your sweet love, so don't leave me this way"

Vince turns back to him and sits him down with a thoughtful face.

Vince: "You think people would have had enough with this silly love songs"

Howard: "I look around and I see it isn't so"

Vince: "Some people just want to fill the world with silly love songs"

Howard: "What's wrong with that? I'd just would like to know, cause here i go again"

He leans in to kiss vince, who pulls away and stand up. Howard thens leaps up and stands on the elephant head with his arms out wide, surprising Vince.

Howard: "Love lifts us up where we belong"

Vince (worried): Get down, now!

Howard: "Where the ealges fly, on a mountain high"

Vince takes Howard's hand and pulls him down.

Vince: "Love makes us act like we are fools, throw our lives away for one happy day"

He turns and walks down the stairs, and Howard jumps in front with his arms in the air.

Howard: "We could be heroes, just for one day!"

Vince: "You, you will be mean"

Howard: I won't

Vince: "And I'd...I'd drink all the time"

Vince goes inside the elephant, Howard appears from behind a curtain.

Howard: "We should be lovers"

Vince: "We can't do that!"

Howard: "We should be lovers and that's a fact"

Vince turns to face Howard.

Vince: "Though nothing could keep us together"

Howard "We could steal some time"

Together: "Just for one day. We could be heroes, forever and ever, we could be heroes forever and ever..."

Howard: "And I will always love you..."

Vince: "I can't help loving you...How wonderful life is..."

Together: "Now you're in the world"

The song ends with them both sharing thier first kiss, framed by the heart shaped front of the elephant.

Vince: You know, I'm just going to think of you every customer I get now.

Narrator: Yes, howard's life was wonderful now Vince was in it. But in the Duke, Fossil got more then he was bargined for.

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In Fossil's office, he and Bainbridge were having a meeting. The Duke is sitting down with his hat in his lap, while the Hitcher was lurking about in the shadows.

Bainbridge: It will cost a lot of money to turn this nightclub into a theatre. So, I want a contract that makes Vince mine, so I want the deeds to the Moulin Rouge.

Fossil: My Bainbridge, I can't...

Bainbridge: Don't think me stupid, Fossil. I will have those deeds and if anything happens, my manservent Hitcher here will deal with it his own way. Vince will be mine.

The Hitcher comes out the shadows, showing he with playing with a knife.

Bainbridge: I'm not usually a jealous guy, I just don't like people touching my stuff.

While saying this, he starts crushing his hat in his hands. Fossil is quite nervous over this fit of rage.

Fossil: I...understand.

He signs the contracts and give Bainbridge the deeds.

Bainbridge: Now that we have a understanding, I will woo Vince over supper tonight and you can now turn this place into...

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Fossil: ...A theatre.

He gathered all the staff and dancers into the main hall. Vince was standing near to him, while Howard was standing quite a bit away with his friends.

Fossil: This place completely modern...

Vince catches Howard's eyes and smiles shyly. Howard smiles back.

Fossil: Fully electricfied...

The duke then catches Vince's eyes and smiles. Vince just gives him a fake smile back.

Fossil: All-singing, all-dancing theatre.

Then a wreaking ball comes through the wall behind him and he ducks. Others scream and move backwards. Fossil gets up.

Fossil: The show must go on!


	6. Caught and the Gothic Tower

Moulin Boosh!

Summery- Mighty Boosh X Moulin Rouge. Howard Moon, a penniless jazz musician and writer unwittenly falls in love with Vince Noir, the star courtesan from the Moulin Rouge and finds himself fighting of Vince affections with Dixon Bainbridge, the Duke.

Disclaimer- Mighty Boosh belongs to Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt. Moulin Rouge belongs to Baz Lurman.

Author's notes- Wrote in script format, to make it more annoying. Inspiration came to me when I imagined Vince and Howard singing the elephant love melody to each other lol. I hope this isn't too much like the script now lol.

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Chapter six- Caught Out and the Gothic Tower.

Narrator: The show would go on, but Vince wouldn't go to the Duke's supper that night, or the next.

In Naboo's studio, Howard is badly acting what he's written down for the play. Naboo is cooking, while Vince is sitting down, watching his lover amused.

Howard: 'You have betrayed me' Mad with jealousy, the evil king forces the courtesan to make the penniless fashion designer believe there was no love between them. 'Thank you for curing me with this stupid obsessiion with love' Says the fashion designer, throwing money to his feet and walking out of the kingdom forever.

He leaps onto the balconey, making Vince jump from his chair to help him. Howard then turns around and smiles, making the others laugh and sit down again.

Vince: But a life without love, that's terrible.

Howard: Yes, but the fashion designer...with his magical needle...

Naboo: Wait, that's my part, his needle says only the truth and says...

Howard and Vince laugh, ignoring him. They only have eyes for each other.

Narrator: Yes, the only thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.

In Vince's new dressing room backstage, he and Howard are busy kissing. The Duke then bursts in, and the two jump back and pick up scripts like they were rehearsing.

Bainbridge: A picnic, young sir?

Vince: But we have so much work to do.

Bainbridge: Well, if he can carry a basket and blanket, I don't see why you can do it in front of me.

A couple of days later, the two are back in Vince's dressing room kissing more passionatly. The door bursts open and Bainbridge is back only with a lifebelt and oars. Howard moves away, black lipstick smudged around his lips.

Bainbridge (oblivous): Still at it then?

A few more days later, Vince was sitting next to the Duke, watching the dance rehearsals. Howard smiles at Vince when he turns his head around and walks over to them.

Narator: For try as the Duke may, it was just too easy for the writer and the lead actor to make excuses to be together.

Howard: Vince, listen. I'm gonna need some help on this new scene 'Will the lovers meet at the designers home?' Will you meet me tonight to help?

Bainbridge (annoyed): But my dear, I've mad us a lovely supper in the Gothic Tower tonight.

Howard (acting hurt): Well it's not that important anyway, never mind.

Vince stands up.

Vince: Of course we can't wait. That is the most important scene of the play. We will be working on it tonight until I'm satisfied.

Bainbridge: But, my dear...

Vince: Excuse me, Bainbridge.

Vince walks away, so does Howard only in another direction, both then going up the stairs into the viewing gallery. Fossil is helping some dancers rehearse.

Fossil: Beautiful, tomorrow we'll work on act two 'The Lovers are Discovered'.

Up in the gallery, Howard presses Vince againest the wall behind a piller and kisses him passionatly.

Bainbridge goes over to Fossil angry and annoyed.

Fossil: Dukey, everything is ready for your supper tonight.

Bainbridge: Eat it yourself, idiot. His affections are wearing thin.

Fossil: They can't be.

Bainbridge: I know he loves his new work, but he's always with that damn writier.

Fossil looks up and sees Vince and Howard kissing.

Bainbridge: If I don't see him tonight, I'm leaving.

He turns to see what Fossil is looking at, but he stops the Duke.

Fossil: I'll make sure Vince has the night off.

Bainbridge: Fine then, see him at eight then.

He walks off, leaving Fossil staring at the couple with anger on his face. Back in the gallery, the couple are making their own m,eeting.

Howard: So you will come then?

Vince: Yes, go now.

After one last kiss, Howard disappears around the corner. Vince walks the other way happily, only to walk into Fossil's angry face.

Fossil: What do you think you're doing? He holds the deeds to this place. He's bought you a new dressing room, he's making you a star. And now you're with the writer?

Vince: Bobby, don't be silly...

Fossil: I saw you together just!

Vince looks away, guilty.

Vince: It's just a phase.

Fossil: The phase will end. Go to him, tell him it's ove, then go to the tower at eight.

Vince sighs as Fossil walks away. He then walks slowly around the nightclub gallery, and starts gasping for breath. His vision swims as he coughs and makes his way backstage, until finally he faints. Bollo and another dancer watch with alarm and concern and carry him to the sofa from before and call the doctor.

Howard, meanwhile is waiting in his hotle room, pacing the floor and sitting on his balcony. He is starting to believe that Vince has gone with the Duke, who is still waiting in the Gothic Tower.

Backstage, Dennis, the doctor to the Moulin Rouge was treating Vince, while Bollo and Mrs Gideon look on.

Gideon: Will he be up and about tonight?

Dennis: Tomorrow morning the earliest.

The stage manager storms into Fossil's office with bad news.

Stage.m: The Duke's leaving the tower.

Back at the tower, just as Bainbridge is leaving, Fossil makes it and is in front of him (don't ask me how).

Fossil: He's confessing!

Bainbridge: Confessing? I'm not buying that.

Fossil: He wants to be cleaned of his old life. Vince wants to be pure for you. He thinks this night is like his wedding night.

Bainbridge: Wedding night?

Fossil: He wants you to feel...like a virgin.

Bainbridge: A virgin?

Fossil: You know, touched for the very first time. Vince likes it when you hole him and touch him.

They both walk to the centre of the tower, the waiters are making the huge bed in the corner.

Fossil (singing): "He's made it through the wilderness somehow, he's made it through. He didn't know how lost he was, until he found you. He was beat, incomplete, he'd been had, he was sad and blue. But you made him feel..."

The waiters make a cirlce around them.

Fossil: "Yes you've made him feel shiny and new. Ohhh, Like a virgin!"

The dark room brightens up and the waiters dance around them.

Fossil: "Touched for the very first time. Like a vir-ir-ir-irgin! Your hearts beat close in time! Gonna give you all his love!"

The waiters have gathered the bedsheet from the bed and is dancing around Fossil with it, draping over him like a veil. bainbridge has the look on his face like evryone has gone out of their minds.

Fossil: "He's so fine and divine, he'll be yours, until the end of time. Because you made him feel..."

The waiters does a wall kick dance behind him.

Fossil: "Like a virgin, touched for the very fisrt time. Like a virgin, when yours hearts beat in time. Feels so good inside, when you hold him, when you touch him"

He grabs the Duke and starts dancing and spinning him around the tower and balcony. The waiters follow, still doing their own dance.

Meanwhile, Howard is still waiting in his room and Vince wakes from his faint.

At the Gothic Tower, the Duke seems to have fell for Fossil's lies.

Bainbridge: "He's so fine, and he's mine. Makes me strong, yes he makes me bold. Now, his love thawed out, yes, his love thawed out, that was scared and cold"

Fossil: "Like a virgin"

Bainbridge: "When your hearts beat in time"

Fossil: "Like a virgin"

Bainbridge: "Feels so good inside"

The song finishes with the waiters popping open the champange bottles that were around.

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Narrator: Fossil's lies had once again averted disaster.

Howard is writing the play again, only Vince is in the room, covered by the bedsheets and occasionally coughing while looking out the window.

Narrator: But no lie, however good, would save Vince.

Backflash to when Fossil got back to the Moulin Rouge. dennis, the doctor who treated Vince took him aside.

Dennis: Fossil, listen. Vince is dying, he has comsumption.

Fossil: He's dying? My star is dying?

Mrs Gideon looks grave.

Fossil: He mustn't know. The show must go on.

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i couldn't think of another illness for Vince to be dying from, so I had to use TB. If this offends anyone at all, please say. from chugirl2526


	7. Come What May to the Tower once more

Moulin Boosh!

Summery- Mighty Boosh X Moulin Rouge. Howard Moon, a penniless jazz musician and writer unwittenly falls in love with Vince Noir, the star courtesan from the Moulin Rouge and finds himself fighting of Vince affections with Dixon Bainbridge, the Duke.

Disclaimer- Mighty Boosh belongs to Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt. Moulin Rouge belongs to Baz Lurman.

Author's notes- Wrote in script format, to make it more annoying. Inspiration came to me when I imagined Vince and Howard singing the elephant love melody to each other lol. I hope this isn't too much like the script now lol. I also wanted to put Old Gregg in this chapter for once lol.

--

Chapter seven- Come What May to the Tower Once More.

Narrator: All night long the penniless fashion designer waited, and now he felt the first stab of jealousy.

Howard was typing away his play, while Vince was sitting on the bed.

Howard: Where were you last night?

Vince: I told you, I was ill.

Howard walks over and sits next to Vince, making him move slightly away.

Howard: You don't have to lie to me.

Vince: We must end this, everyone knows. I must sleep with the duke on the opening night. Even if you know now, you'd still go mad with jealousy.

Vince gets up and goes to the window. Howard, at a loss for words, thinks of s great idea. He walks over and places his arm around Vince's shoulders.

Howard: Then I'll write a song and put it in the show, and no matter how bad things get, if you sing it, hum it, whistle it. Then you'll know it means we love one another and I'll never get jealous.

Vince: Things don't work that way, Howard. We have to end it.

He walks back into the room sadly.

Howard (singing): "Never knew I could feel like this, like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss. . ."

Vince stops and turns back to Howard. Howard knoes he's won Vince over again with his words. The nest day in the main hall, Howard is giving instrutions to the cast.

Howard: Now, in this new scene, this is where the fashion designer writes a secret song for the courtesan, so that whatever happens, however bad things are, they remember their love. And, if we could take it from your line Vince, so let's take it.

Vince (acting): We must be careful, there are spies everywhere.

Joey (acting): Fear not, we will have our affair right here under the king's nose...

Howard: "Seasons may change, winter to spring..."

Joey falls asleep on stage, Fossil looks lost.

Howard: "...But I wil love you until the end of time. Come what may, come what may, I will love you until the end of time"

A day later sees Howard and Vince on a picnic with the Duke. Howard is carring the basket, while Bainbridge is busy looking at a frog. He never notises the looks the couple gave each other, so instead kills the frog by stomping on it.

Howard/Vince: "Suddenly the world seems a perfect place. Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace. Suddenly my life dosen't seem such a waate, it all revolves around you"

Back at the hotel room, they are wrapped aroun each other in the bed.

Howard/Vince: "And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide. Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side"

Back at the rehearsals, they are finishing off the scene.

Howard/Vince: "Storm clouds may gather, stars may collide.."

Howard: "But I love you"

Vince: "I love you"

Howard/Vince: "Until the end of time"

The Duke is watching the play, Old Gregg is behind him.

Howard: The magical needle falls down from the ceiling and says 'the only thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return'.

Old Gregg moves up to the Dukes ear.

Gregg (Whispering): _This ending's silly. Why would the courtesan go with the penniless writer.. I mean fashion designer._

Bainbridge looks at Howard, then realises the truth. On the stage, the song reaches the end. Vince is wearing a black diamond head-dress, standing with Joey in the middle of some dancers. Naboo is wearing the beginning of his needle costume. They all turn to see the Duke's reaction.

Bainbridge: I don't like this ending.

Everyone exchange worried glances.

Fossil: Don't like it, Bainbridge?

Bainbridge: Why would the courtesan choose a fashion designer over the king, who is offering a lifetime of security. That's real love.

Howard watches the Duke, nervously.

Bainbridge: Once the designer has satisfied his lust, he will leave the courtesan. I suggest that in the end, the courtesan choose the king.

Naboo: But that ending dosen't mean beauty, truth, freedom or love...

Bainbridge: I don't care about your way. Why shouldn't the courtesan choose the king?

Howard (angry): Because he dosen't love you!

He realises his mistake and tries to cover it up.

Howard: Him, he dosen't love him.

Bainbridge looks over to Vince, who looks away emotionless.

Bainbridge: I see. The ending will be rewritten so the courtesan will be with the king, and without the secret song. Then it will be rehearsed tomorrow morning ready for the opening tomorrow night.

Fossil: That's gonna be impossible.

Vince steps in.

Vince: Bobby, we are treating the Duke unfairly. These silly writers will write anything, so why don't you and I have a little supper and discuss how the ending such really be?

He sits on Bainbridge's lap, making him smirk. Howard looks away as Vince walks off to get ready for the duke. As he steps into the backstage corridor, Howard comes from out the shadows.

Howard: I don't want you to sleep with him.

Vince: If I don't he'll destroy everything. Besides, you promised you wouldn't be jealous. It will be alright, I must go.

He turns to leave, but Howard grabs his arm. Softly, he sings.

Vince: "Come what may..."

Howard: Come what may

He lets Vince leave to get ready and goes to the main hall where the others are waiting.

Narrator: He'd gone off to the tower to save us all and for everyone's part, they could do nothing but wait.

--

Vince is seen inside the Gothic Tower. He is wearing black tight shirt, black tight trousers, and a long black coat. His raven hair was straightened and his face covered in black make-up.

Vince: I hope I haven't kept you waiting, Bainbridge.

Back at the main hall, Old Gregg goes over to Howard and sits in his lap.

Gregg: Don't worry writer. You'll get your ending, once the Duke gets his

Howard pushes him away, making Joey stand up angry.

Joey: No, No!

Greeg: Keep your filthy hands off me!

Joey goes over to Howard.

Joey: Never fall in love with a young man who sells his love, it always ends bad.

Back at the tower, Vince walks over to the fireplace and takes off his black gloves.

Vince: The writer has a stupid obsession with me. I only indulge his fantasy because he's talented. We need him for tomorrow night only.

Vince then sits at the opposite end of a long table while eating the huge supper, all the while watching Bainbridge. They stand up and kiss, Vince not enjoying a single moment. Bainbridge then presents Vince with a huge black diamond necklace, placing it around his neck.

Howard, who's tired of waiting, leave the Moulin Rouge and walks towards the tower. Looking up to the balcony, he sees Vince and the Duke together, his jealousy intensifies. Then he hears Vince singing softly.

Vince: "Come what may, I will love you until my dying day"

Bainbridge looks down too and sees Howard.

Bainbridge: It seems to be our little writer.

Vince, now afraid, goes back inside. Bainbridge, now angry, closes the door and pushes him to the floor.

Bainbridge: You made me believe I loved you!

Vince: No.

Bainbridge pulls Vince back up and breaks the necklace from around his neck. Vince breaks free from him and runs off around the table, but the Duke catches him again, backslapping his face so he fell once more. Blood dripped from Vince's lip and tears from his eyes, smuding his eyeshadow and mascara. Bainbridge then stand over Vince to strike him again, only to be knocked out by Bollo.

Howard is back in his hotel room. The door opens to reveal a very hurt and upset Vince, huddled up to Bollo. Vince runs to howard, who holds him closely.

Vince: I couldn't do it, I saw you there and I felt so guilty. I love you so much...

Howard: It's ok.

Vince: He knows, Howard. He knows.

Howard: Then we'll leave. I don't care about the show anymore, I love you and that's what matters most.

Vince (smiling): Yes, as long as we have each other.

Howard: Bollo, take Vince to his dressing room and get what he needs. Do not be seen.

Bollo: Ok.

--

In the Gothic Tower, the Duke's head wound was being treated by a waiter. Fossil is also in the room, while the Hitcher hangs around.

Bainbridge: It's the writer. I want Vince back, find her. Tell him he will come to me or I will have the writer killed!

Fossil: Killed?

Bainbridge: Killed

--

In the dressing room, Vince was just finishing when the door opened to reveal Fossil.

Vince: Don't stop me Bobby, I'm leaving.

Fossil: If you leave, Bainbridge will kill Howard.

Vince stops in pure fear.

Fossil: Bainbridge is insane with jealousy. Unless you sleep with him tomorrow, he will kill Howard.

Vince starts packing again.

Vince: He dosen't scare us.

Fossil: He is a very powerful man.

Vince: Listen, I don't need you anymore. All my life, you made me believe I was only worthy for paid love. But Howard loves me for me, and that is worth more then anything. Goodbye Bobby.

He goes to leave, but the next word stopped him dead in his tracks.

Fossil: You're dying, Vincey.

Vince: Another trick?

Fossil: The doctor personally told me.

Vince, who's world just fell apart, went back into his room and sat down.

Fossil: End it with Howard. Only you will save him.

Vince: He won't give up easily.

Fossil: Then make him believe you don't love him. Hurt him to save him.

--

Back at the hotel room, Howard waited for Vince. The door opens to reveal his lover, who looks emotionless.

Howard: What's wrong?

Vince: I'm staying with Bainbridge. He offered me everything I need, but I must never see you again. Goodbye.

He goes to leave, but is stopped.

Howard: What do you mean? What about last night, what we said?

Vince: I can't leave this place, it's my home.

Howard looks disbelieving.

Howard: This can't be happening.

Vince tries to stop the tears threatening to leak.

Howard: What's wrong? Tell me.

Vince goes to walk away, but Howard grabs his arms to face him.

Howard: Tell me the truth!

Vince: Here's the truth. I am the courtesan and I choose the king.

Howard lets him go in shock, trying to understand what's happening. Vince takes this opportunity to leave, tears flowing as he walks back to his old room. Howard follows him as Vince walks through the garden, the gates closing behind him. Two bodyguards hold Howard back as he stuggles to get to Vince, only to be hit in the face and left to lie in the rain.

His bohemian friends carry him back to his room and cover him in a blanket, his eyes filled with anger and hurt. Naboo sits next to his bed.

Naboo: Howard, you might me as a drunken gnome whose friends are just pimps and girls from the brothels, but I know about art and love because I long for it with every fibre of my being. She loves you, I know it. I know she loves you.

Howard dosen't even look at Naboo.

Howard: Just leave me alone, please.

Naboo dosen't go.

Howard (yelling): Leave me alone!

Naboo finally does go. Howard gets up to and takes his typewriter to a pawnshop nearby, taking his money to the Moulin Rouge.

Narrator: He just wanted to shut out what Naboo said. But now he was so filled with doubt Howard wanted to be sure, he wanted to know, so we goes to the Moulin Rouge, one last time.

--

Only one chapter left I'm afraid, or will there? ;) from chugirl2526.


	8. The Spectacular, Spectacular ending

Moulin Boosh!

Summery- Mighty Boosh X Moulin Rouge. Howard Moon, a penniless jazz musician and writer unwittenly falls in love with Vince Noir, the star courtesan from the Moulin Rouge and finds himself fighting of Vince affections with Dixon Bainbridge, the Duke.

Disclaimer- Mighty Boosh belongs to Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt. Moulin Rouge belongs to Baz Lurman.

Author's notes- Last chapter, time for thanks yous

Thank you cookiemunster, Beechwood0708, SparkieSteph, shadowtheo, stars of andromeda, violence4, EmeraldLily06, Missing Fairy, Radar-rox and lori-loves-theboosh. You inpired me to carry on, so cookies for all

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Chapter eight- The Spectacular, Spectacular ending.

Inside the Moulin Rouge, chairs filled the dancefloor inside the main hall in front of the stage. They were filled with men and women dressed poshly for the play. The stage curtains were closed, and Rudi was conducting the musiciansat the front of the stage. Smoke then appears from the floor and Fossil, dressed in royal robes, with a crown and wooden sword appears. The curtains open behind him to reveal a beautiful indian background. He then sits with his back to the audience, knowing the Duke was in the audience.

Howard manages to get backstage through a window and is trying to make his way to Vince. On his way, he spots the Hitcher and ducks around a corner, making himself flat againest the wall as the bodyguard walks past. He makes his way past the supports of the stage as he continues searching.

Back onstage, the lights go dim except a spotlight in the centre. Vince, dressed in a black royal robe with a black diamond head-dress, appears through a trapdoor in the stage. Two dancers lift him up by his arms and carry him to the near front of the stage, then he suddenly coughs and gasps for breath. Fossil is worried, until Vince stops coughing and carries on the song and dance quite seductively for the evil king.

Vince (singing): "Kiss, hand, fashion's best friend. Men grow cold, as we grow old and we all lose our charm in the end..."

The dancers move closer and lift him up into the air as he does his chorus. Fossil turns to see Bainbridge has a posessive smile on his face.

Vince: "Fashion is a, fashion is a, faahion is a boy's best friend"

The Duke's necklace is lower and placed around his neck, as well as a black diamond studded long coat placed on his body, whne the song ends. Fossil gets up and places his arms aorund Vince, his face emotionless.

Fossil: He's mine.

Bainbridge: He's mine.

Backstage, Naboo and Joey are getting ready to get into position for the next scene.

Naboo: I know he still loves Howard, there's got to be a reason.

Joey goes to say soemthing, but falls asleep. He falls then through a trapdoor and in front of Howard. Howard gets an idea and changes into Joey's costume. On stage, the background is now the front of a temple, Fossil is alone except some of the dancers.

Fossil: I will rasie my marriage sword...

Howard, now wearing Joey's costume jacket, is climbing through the set.

Fossil: ...And welcome my loyal subjects in celebration...

Backstage, Vince is coughing blood into an hanky. Mrs Gideon tries to get him to take some of his medicine out of a silver vial. Howard is still moving down a corridor and the Hitcher finds Fossil offset.

Hitcher: That writer's here boss.

Naboo is watching from th wings above and hears the conversation.

Fossil: I told Vince that if he came here, he'd be killed.

Hitcher: He may very well be slashed now.

Howard finds Vince's dressing room and enters. Vince spins round and gasps, walking backwards away from him. Naboo meanwhile, works things out.

Naboo: So that's why Vince pushed him away, to save him. I must warn Howard.

He turns to look for him, but is rasied in the air. In the dressing room, Howard is comfronting Vince.

Howard: I've come to pay my bill.

Vince: You shouldn't be here.

He brushes past Howard to get to the stage.

Vince: Just leave me!

Howard turns and follows him. Naboo is trying to make his way through the rafters above the stage to find Howard.

Naboo: Killed? He can't be killed!

Vince is gasping as he rushes to the stage. Howard actches up and grabs his arm, making Vince face him.

Howard: You made me believe I loved you. Why shouldn't I pay?

Vince (getting upset): Please, Howard. Just go.

Howard (angry): You did your job so well, so let me pay.

Vince: There's no point, just go.

Vince then sees the Hitcher around the corner, his knife seen clearly in his hand. He screams and places himself in front of Howard.

Howard: If it wasn't real, then why can't I pay you?

Vince: Why won't you go?

Onstage, they could hear 'Let the doors open'. Two doors opened in front of them, revealing them to the audience. The Hitcher, who was close to stabbing Howard, jumped back, Bainbridge was not happy and Fossil looked shocked, but he covers it up.

Fossil: Ha ha ha! I am not fooled! Though he has adopts a disguise, my eyes do not lie! For it is he, the same penniless fashion designer!

The audience murmer in understanding. The Hitcher moves to the wings, with Naboo following him through the rafters. Howard drags Vince onto the stage, and throws him to the floor. Vince lies there coughing, while Howard adresses the Duke.

Howard: This young man is yours now. I've paid my whore.

He throws the money at Vince, who is now crying, making his black make-up smudge.

Howard: I owe you nothing, you are nothing you me now.

He makes his way down the stairs, stopping by the Duke and stares at him.

Fossil: He never loved you, see how he flees the kingdom.

Fossil bends down to Vince and whispers to him.

Fossil: _Vincey, It's for the best. The show must go on._

Fossil pulls Vince up. Howard walks down the aisle, taking of his costume jacket. The Hitcher turns away from him, satisfied.

Fossil: And now my husband to be, it is time for you to say your wedding vows to the heavens above.

Vince is weak and can hardly stand up. Naboo meanwhile remembers his main line. He rushes to say it, but gets caught in the ropes. Hanging, he says it anyway.

Naboo: The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.

Vince looks up, realisation dawning on him. Howard stops, making the Hitcher gab his knife again

Vince (singing weakly): "Never knew I could feel like this..."

Howard continues forward to the exit, but with great pain on his heart. Vince sings again, his voice growing stronger.

Vince: "It's like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss, everyday I'm loving you more and more"

He walks forward on the stage, as Howard stops and turns slowly to him.

Vince: "Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing, come back to me and forgive everything"

Rudi conducts the musicians to accompany Vince. Vince gasps for breath, but continues.

Vince: "Seasons may change, winter to spring. Til the end of time"

The Duke grows more angry when he hears Howard beind him continuing the song. Vince just smiles with relief and happiness as Howard walks towards him.

Howard: "Come what may, I will love you until my dying day"

Howard climbs onstage and joins Vince, holding him close. Bainbridge signals to the Hitcher to stab Howard. Naboo's rope snaps and he swings across stage, knocking the Hitcher's knife from his hand.

Howard/Vince: "I will love you until my dying day"

The knife appears in front of a dancer, who hides behind a wooden statue in fear. Fossil stops it and tells the bodyguards to get the Hitcher. The audience laughs, thinking it's part of the play. Spider sets of an explosion onstage, causing everyone to panic. The Hitcher tries to get his knife back, But Old Gregg kicks him in the face and the gun accidently in front of the Duke. Everyone stops panicing and gets into position.

Naboo: "No matter what you say, the show's ending our way".

Everyone: "Everyone must stand their ground, for beauty, trueth, feedom and love!"

Vince "One day I'll fly away"

Howard: "The gift is my song"

The Hitcher is now with the musicians, trying to get his knife back. He gets to it, only for a dancer to iuntie a sandbag above him and knock him on the head, making the knife fly out of his hand again. Bainbridge stands up and starts walking away. The knife lands in front of him, so he turns round with it and tries throw it at Howard, who is being lifted by the dancers with Vince. As he reaches the stage, Fossil punches him, making the knife fly out of his hands.

Howard/Vince: "I will love you until my dying day"

As the song ends, Howard and Vince kiss in the centre of the stage. Black and red rose petals fall from the rafters as the audience cheers. The curtains close and they all get ready for curtian calls. Howard smiles at Vince, but grows worried as Vince falls backwards.

Howard: Vince, what's wrong?

Vince starts coughing and gasping for breath, some blood trickles out of his mouth. Howard's hand goes to his mouth in shock, notising Vince is nearly unconcious.

Howard (shouting): Someone get help!

Fossil turns to Mrs Gideon.

Fossil: Get the doctor, he's in the auidence. I told him to bring his stuff just in case.

Mrs Gideon rushes off, as the others turn gravely to the couple.

Vince: I'm dying Howard. I'm so sorry I never told you.

Howard (clearly upset): You'll be alright, I know you will.

Vince: I'm cold, please hold me!

Howard presses him close, and starts crying.

Howard: I love you so much, please don't leave me.

Mrs Gideon comes back, Dennis is behind her. He indicates to howard to bring Vince backstage to his dressing room. Howard geantly places Vince on his bed and the doctor tells him he must leave.

Howard: I can't leave him ,I'm all he's got left.

Dennis: I'm better working without people around me. I will get you when I've finished.

Howard leaves the room painfully. He's surprised to see everyone else waiting for news. A few minutes later, Dennis reappears again.

Dennis: I have dosed him up with a new cure that was found in London. We do not know if it'll work, so don't be too hopeful. We shall see what happens overnight.

Narrator: That night was the longest night of Howard's life, but it was worth it. Vince survived the night and recovered well throughout the days of recovery Fossil made him have. Though he still had a few coughing fits, no blood appeared and he just needed some rest to be well again.

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Inside the Moulin Rouge, the stage was still there. Not only were they still a nightclub, but also part time theater. Bainbridge and the Hitcher were arrested for attempted murder and were never heard from again.

On the stage, there was a make-up alter with candles on top. Two people, Howard and Vince, were standing in front of it, while Naboo was behind. The chairs were there once more, but filled with the dancers and staff of the Moulin Rouge.

Naboo: I know pronouce you two married.

Howard and Vince kiss as their audience cheered for them. Except for Joey and Old Gregg, who got together after the show anyway.

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There we go, an happy ending from chugirl2526. also I've thinking of doing another moviecrossover, only with the mummy. Should i go through with it? opinions please.


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